Extinct Humans Leave Nickelback Legacy
Well, that’s it. Earth is human free. Mother Nature lit up a doobie and breathed a sigh of relief. “Can you fucking believe those idiots? I have them Carly Rae Jepsen and they still listened to Biber? Assholes.”
It’s not often Mother Nature goes on the record, but when she does, she always drops a Bon Monet like that. But could music really have killed the entire species? After all, they survived the Black Plague and the AIDS crisis. Surely, a Paris Hilton single couldn’t have lead to their downfall.
And yet, there does seem to be evidence of this. A group decided to woof on a song and repeat the question, “who let the dogs out?” Unsurprisingly that group disappeared from the face of Earth shortly after the song was released. They must have been easy to get rid of.
They deserved to disappear into the abyss. They’re not the only novelty song that turned into a cult calling card. Does anybody remember the Macarena?
That song was so powerful the Lizard Queen Hillary Clinton was seen dancing to it. Hillary Fucking Clinton. Imagine a regal royal shaking her booty to a song about adultery. Oh, the irony.
Somewhere there’s a viral video of the lizards watching their ruler get down to a cheating man. Maybe the mistress wore a blue dress. Hopefully, she was smart enough to get it dry cleaned. Seriously.
Humans were not known for using common sense. That helps explain the rise of their downfall; Nickelback. On the surface, it seemed like inoffensive suburban rock. But the sick truth was, the band was readying to lead humanity into extinction. Of course, they had an accomplice in Coldplay.
Any being that is married to Gwyneth Paltrow and does not at least try to kill her three times is an enemy of the universe. The woman thinks cocaine is better than canned cheese for goodness sake. That’s like saying Rebecca Black is a better singer than William Hung. For those that don’t get those references, humanity was destroyed, not Google. Both are bad but at least Rebecca Black had a hit single and was in on the joke. We think.
So Nickelback took their photograph and led to the downfall of humanity. Years from now, scientists will try to figure out what happened to the humans. They lived through the ice age, all sorts of wars and battles, and even made Jennifer Lopez a major celebrity.
But when it came to bland dad rock, they lost the battle. Maybe the next species will heed the warnings of extinction. The number one warning is always terrible music.
Prompt courtesy of: