Humor

How Many Facebook Personalities Can I Have In An Hour?

The answer is not shocking to those who are friends with me.

Image from Simi via PixaHive

How many personalities do I have? There’s writer Ed; he’s serious. Sometimes. For goodness sake, stop laughing! There’s Drunk Ed. He’s not allowed out. Last time he came out, well, let’s say, America lost her marble and replaced it with a less ornery American Idol judge. Sounded pitchy? Nah, it sounded like you couldn’t hit a note with a baseball bat and a magnifying glass.

There’s also Loving Ed, but he’s reserved.

On Facebook, though, there is only one Ed. We call him Facebook Ed. He keeps people abreast of happenings in the news. He supplies Will & Grace quotes. There may even be some vodka jokes. He’s very similar to Writer Ed. That Ed likes to experiment and see what Facebook quizzes think of him.

Drunk Ed’s First Appearance

It didn’t take long for Drunk Ed to come out on Social media. The first quiz was about drinking buddies. Obviously, the bestIe won that contest. According to the quiz, they call us double trouble.

According to him, what they mean is Drunk Ed is twice the trouble, and he’s innocent. Bull pucky. Who was the one making out with the bartender on New Year’s Eve 2017? Scrap that. Damn free champagne. Loosens up my morals, er, Drunk Ed’s morals every time.

Who broke up with their boyfriend, grabbed a guy to make out with… wait. I think it’s time for a new quiz. Wouldn’t you agree?

Dreamer Ed

This quiz made me choose a shirt. The one I chose told them that I was a dreamer. It also apparently said that I’m sassy (what?!) and that even with a heart of gold, I have a deadly side when crossed. Starting to think these were written by my so-called friends to try and get me to agree with their assessments of me.

There has never been a time when I was sassy. Don’t listen to my sister; she doesn’t know. Before you think about taking her seriously, consider this: she doesn’t like tequila. Can she really be trusted?

You want to try and make the argument; this essay is sassy. Have several seats and learn why you’re wrong. Because I said so.

Nature Ed

My Boy Scout leader owes me an apology. He told me that I would never make it in nature because I didn’t understand the elements. God, you pay your fellow scouts to put up your tent and make your dinner, and that means you can’t make it outdoors. It’s not like I paid them a lot, only a quarter. And it was money well spent. Like I was gonna break a nail trying to get a tent up. The dads couldn’t even do it; what chance did I have?

So this quiz said that my nature element was all of them. Water, fire, earth, and wind. That bartender would be so into this. He kept saying I was his fire, his one desire. No, wait, that was Nick Carter in one of my fan fiction pieces. Anyways all for one, four for one. Sayings are hard, guys!

That took up the hour. I spent way more time with Nature Ed than I thought. Maybe he should come out more.

Nah, that’ll only give certain Drunk Gossip producers hope that Professional Ed will come out, and nobody wants that.

Edward has written hundreds of acclaimed true crime articles and has won numerous awards for his short stories.

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