It’s The Size Of The Boat

“Does size really matter?” Some hetero guys will sneak up on an unwilling or unwitting gay fella or lady. They then boast about how they might not be the biggest guy around but he knows how to use what God gave him. And then depending on the gender of the person they are talking to and the amount of alcohol consumed, he may offer to show off his prowess.

The thing is though, not only is he usually lacking in the prowess but he is also lacking in any kind of size. Sure, he can be small but amazing with how he moves his body. Or he could be huge and tear one open just from sticking it in. Neither are great scenarios.

But what’s worse is a guy who is small and can’t manage to find a way to please his partner. It reminds one of the wacky sitcom plots where the couple is having bad sex and they end up in physically hurting one another. The mishaps are preventable and not even all that funny. It’s just embarrassing.

When a woman (or gay man) loves a man with a gherkin, they will never do or say anything derogatory about it. But unless the man knows what he is doing with his package, you can best believe that they are disappointed with it, and going to vibratortown after the sex is done.

Having a bigger dick is not by any means a guarantee that the sex will be better. It does get you inches closer to being able to get your partner to the end zone. Isn’t that the goal? If not, it should be but that is a different article.

“It’s the motion of the ocean” is something nice that we say to guys because they wrap all of their ego into a piece of fleshy muscle that lays between his legs. If it were the motion of the ocean, men would be unnecessary. We already know how to fuck ourselves. What would we need you for? Our ocean waves are bigger….

If you’re looking for something to feel good about, feel good about oral. Most men don’t try to find the hymen with a spotlight on it. Let alone in the dark. Maybe a new talent will keep a partner interested for the long term.

Most of all boy, yes size does matter.

Edward has written hundreds of acclaimed true crime articles and has won numerous awards for his short stories.

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